Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age -- everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are -- steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther -- away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was -- dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially -- the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you -- ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves -- endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're -- red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same -- age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much -- older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and -- she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing -- my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own -- reflection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not -- made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking -- life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out -- awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my -- rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 -- dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same -- prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the -- number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself -- weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're -- fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's -- going on -- but the telephone company is in on the -- conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such -- small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under -- attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon -- "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were too!
George Carlin's View on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?
If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions." How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21 YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out.! There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away.
Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make ! it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't! take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath